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Posted: Feb 5, 2015 by Bob Graham
Published in: Memo to the Married
Isn’t it great to be married? I hope you are saying, “YES”. If not, perhaps we can help by adding twelve magic words to your relational vocabulary that may improve things significantly. Now I must warn you, the magic is not found in their mere use, but rather in their sincere expression. And that’s not always easy because it’s bound to take a toll on the old ego… Yes, I mean your pride.
So, let me share the magic words – they are not too hard to remember, actually they can be grouped into four brief statements of three words apiece. The first one is: “I am sorry”. Try it… Just say the words out loud – I… am….sorry. See, that wasn’t too hard was it? Now, you realize when you say these words you have to mean them. Whatever you do, don’t say them glibly, and don’t try to justify yourself with a string of lame excuses.
However, saying I am sorry is not quite enough, it usually needs a little explanation to go along with it - which brings me to the next three magic words: “I was wrong”. Ouch!! That didn’t feel very good, did it? I know, it was hard enough to admit you were sorry, but to add the fact that you were wrong can really make this uncomfortable. But frankly, that’s what it takes. When you do this right, you will be careful not to make the same mistake again.
The next three words help bring the issue to a conclusion, and they are just as important to include, but this time you’re making a request. And it needs to be a humble request. Here are the words: “Please forgive me”. Go ahead, you can practice - Please…forgive …me. It is very helpful when you make this request to look directly into the eyes of your spouse as you say them. Then, quietly and patiently wait for their response. It may take a little time, and that’s okay. Remember, they are trying to process all this. This is pretty serious stuff; not the usual everyday ho-hum conversation.
Now, when he or she replies, and hopefully in the affirmative… here are the last three magic words: “I love you!” These last three are not nearly as difficult as those first nine, but they sure can turn all of this into a very happy ending. So, use them as needed. Use them wisely. Use them sincerely. You’ll be amazed at how they can enrich your marriage.
P.S. This works with your children too.